Helping a Sexual Assault Survivor
- Listen to the survivor, if they choose to talk.
- Never force a survivor to talk about the victimization.
- If they choose to talk about the situation, do not pry for details or ask questions if the survivor seems uncomfortable.
- At the same time, do not put yourself in the position of being uncomfortable. If you cannot listen to the survivor talk about the crime, be honest. Let them know that you care and that you are concerned but that you cannot handle the details. Be sure to tell this to the survivor or they may think that you just do not care or do not believe them.
- DO NOT QUESTION any portion of the victimization. It is not helpful to analyze the incident and suggest things the survivor could have done differently. The survivor did everything possible to survive the attack at the time.
- Respect their fear. Rapists commonly threaten to kill the victim if they do not comply. This fear does not go away when the rapist does. It is real and realistic. Help the survivor find ways to deal with it by finding ways to increase their safety.
- Be patient. Allow the survivor to recover at her/his own rate. You may feel enough time has passed and that the survivor needs to be “over it”.
- Encourage the survivor to talk with a trained rape crisis advocate. As a friend, you owe it to the survivor to get them the best possible help. Although they may confide in you, you are not trained to help a person work through such a situation. You will probably be an essential person in the recovery process, but you should not be in the position of counseling a survivor.
- As a co-survivor, you may want to seek emotional support for yourself. Remember that you have also been victimized by the crime.
adapted from Turning Point Services
