Helping a Domestic Violence Survivor
Note about language use: |
If a friend or family member is being abused, you can help most by maintaining contact with her. A common tactic of abusers is to isolate their partner, you may be the only person to whom she can reach out.
- Listen to and believe her story.
- Do not minimize her struggle.
- Do not judge or blame her.
- Educate yourself. Learn as much as you can
about domestic violence and share that
information with her.
- Give her the local and national domestic
violence help line numbers. - Help her make plans to be more safe
(see our section on Safety Planning) - Reassure her that the abuse is not her fault and that no one deserves to be abused.
- Allow her to speak confidentially about her situation.
- If you witness or know that a violent incident is occurring and she is in danger, call the police immediately.
- Do not tell her what to do, what to think or how to feel. Respect that it is her decision whether she leaves and when she leaves. Pressuring her will strain your relationship with her and further isolate her.
- Let her keep important papers and extra clothes at your house.
- Help in any way you can with transportation, child care, groceries or money.
- Own your statements of concern. Use "I" statements; "I worry about you and the children", "I would like to see you stay some place safe tonight".
How do I know if my friend is being abused?
- Have you seen evidence of injuries?
- Have you accepted her explanations for her bruises or broken bones?
- Does she miss work frequently?
- Does her partner show an unusual amount of control over her life?
- Have you noticed changes in her or her children's behavior?
- Does her partner embarrass or ridicule her in public?
- Does her partner blame her for the way he acts or the things he says?
