Safety Planning
Every stage of your involvement with an abuser will require different stategies to ensure your safety.
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Guidelines for leaving an abusive relationship
- Make a plan for how you are going to leave and where you're going to go. Make a plan for leaving if you have time to prepare. Make another plan for leaving if you have to leave in a hurry.
- A worker at a domestic violence organization can help you make a plan to leave as safely as you can.
- If you're going to leave secretly, plan ahead and cover your tracks. A domestic violence worker can help you come up with plan.
- You can ask the police to escort you out of the house as you're leaving. You can also ask them to be "on call" while you're leaving.
- Put aside as much emergency money as you can.
- Hide an extra set of car keys in a place you can get to easily.
- Get a bag together with:
- spare car keys
- your driver's license
- a list of your credit cards so that you can track any activity on them
- money
- phone numbers for friends, relatives, doctors, schools, taxi services, and your local domestic violence organization
- a change of clothing for you and your children
- medication that you or your children usually take
- copies of your children's birth certificates, social security cards, school records and immunizations
- copies of legal documents for you and your abuser. This may include social security cards, passports, green cards, medical records, insurance information, birth certificates, marriage license, wills, and welfare identification information
- copies of financial documents for you and your abuser. This may include pay stubs, bank account information, a list of credit cards you hold by yourself or together with your abuser
- the evidence you've been collecting to show that you've been abused
- a few things you want to keep, like photographs, jewelry or other personal items
- Hide this bag somewhere your abuser will not find it. Try to keep it at a trusted friend or neighbor's house. Avoid using next-door neighbors, close family members, or mutual friends. Your abuser might be more likely to find it there.
- If you're in an emergency and need to get out right away, don't worry about gathering these things. While they're helpful to have, getting out safely should come first.
- As you're leaving, grab the bag you hid.
- Create a false trail. Call motels, real estate agencies, and schools in a town at least six hours away from where you plan to go. Ask them questions that will need to be answered by them calling you back. Give them your old phone number.
- Leave when your abuser will least expect it. This will give you more time to get away before your abuser realizes you are gone.
from the National Center for Victims of Crime
